Fly on the Wall
by Kate McCaye
Summary: Set during the infirmary scene in "Crystal Skull." Daniel's POV.


Teal'c deposits Jack quite unceremoniously, face down, more or less on the bed.

"Thanks," Jack says, his voice muffled by the face-full of mattress.

"You are welcome, O'Neill," Teal'c says seriously. That guy has the most underrated sense of humor on the planet, as far as I'm concerned. At least I can still be entertained by my team, even though they can't see of hear me. It's having a strangely calming effect on me, which is good, because normally the thought that I can't be seen or heard by anybody else would have me screaming and running into a wall. Not that that would help, as I would just go right through it in my current situation.

I can hear Janet's familiar quick footsteps coming back towards the infirmary. Judging by Teal'c's eyebrow raise, he can too, and surprisingly, so can Jack. For somebody loopy with radiation sickness, he moves surprisingly quickly, although sloppily.

"Teal'c!" he says desperately, managing to lift his head up off of the mattress. "Help me get back on the bed!"

"I did, O'Neill." He's playing ignorant. I love that guy so much.

"No!" Jack says desperately. "Back like I was! She'll kill me!"

Janet is probably the smallest person on this base. She could possibly also be the most highly feared. Certainly by Jack at any rate.

Teal'c is highly amused at the situation, although only those of us closest to him would be able to tell that. He chooses not to assist Jack, and Janet enters the room, takes one look at him halfway on the bed, and says, "Teal'c, help him."

"As you wish, Dr. Fraiser," Teal'c says, making a big show of getting him back on the bed properly now that he's being supervised.

"I didn't do it," Jack says defensively.

"Right. Colonel, do I need to restrain you?" Janet asks, the faintest trace of amusement in her voice.

"No!" he says quickly. "I'll be good. Promise."

"Very well. Teal'c, Dr. Rothman wants to ask you some questions about where you found the skull."

"Will you notify me when Major Carter awakens?" Teal'c asks politely. Man, the guy is always so in control. He's like… the exact opposite of me.

"Of course, Teal'c. Don't worry about Sam. She'll pull through."

"Indeed." He tilts his head to her and leaves the room swiftly.

"Doc, how about a blanket?" Jack asks gruffly, trying to look all manly while curled up in the fetal position. Needless to say, he doesn't really pull it off. Janet grabs a warm blanket and covers him with it, feeling his forehead.

"The more you fight to stay awake and be active, Colonel, the longer you make your recovery time," she informs him, moving over to check on Sam again.

"She okay?" Jack asks.

"She hasn't woken up yet, but I think she'll be okay. She is ALMOST as stubborn as you are, sir."

That's a fairly accurate assessment, I'd say.

"I'll be back in a little while, Colonel, so don't try anything else stupid."

"Yes, ma'am," he says in a childish voice. She rolls her eyes at him before leaving for her office. She'll be close by, in case anything changes with either of them, but I can't help but be worried by the fact that Sam's not awake yet. If she's been out of it ever since we first went to the planet… I don't even know how long that's been.

Judging by the worried look on Jack's face though, it's been a while. He's on his side staring at her like he can will her to wake up, and he's not as much fun to watch when he doesn't have an audience. At least one he's aware of. Hmm… maybe together we can will her to wake up. Staring at the woman I love like the sister I never had, I can't help but feel guilty that she's lying unconscious once again in the infirmary. I know she was just as excited as I was to visit the planet after she discovered the leptons and all that, but still… I should have done something. Or not done something. Or… something.

She starts to stir! Okay, so she looks like she's got the worst hangover in history, but still, it's better than lying there like a vegetable…

"Carter," Jack says quickly as soon as she starts moving. She winces sharply and tries to touch her temple, but her arm doesn't seem to want to obey her brain and it falls limply back onto the mattress.

"Sir?" she replies dutifully. She needs some water.

"You're okay, Carter, just relax," he instructs. Funny, I don't remember him getting an MD recently…

"Daniel?" she asks.

"Missing. We'll find him," he says simply. Okay, so I go… missing a lot. She could look at least a little bit surprised.

"Teal'c?"

"He's fine. Already up and about, thanks to Junior. How do you feel?"

"Like a bag of microwave popcorn," she says, wincing again and this time managing to grab her head. He laughs quietly at that comparison.

"That bad, huh? DOC!" he calls loudly in that sharp, barking voice of his. So unnecessary. There's a call button right beside his pillow. I would bet money that most of the time he is intentionally unpleasant.

Janet hurries back into the room, smiling with more than professional relief to see that Sam's awake. "Hi, Sam," she says with a smile, instantly beginning a cursory medical exam. Sam tries to question her as well, but Janet just goes about her check-up and orders her to rest. "I need to go report on your conditions to General Hammond."

"How long before we can go back for Daniel?" Sam wants to know. Have I mentioned how much I love my team?

"You can't even stand right now, Sam, just take it easy. That's an order. Colonel, the same goes for you," she says, staring them both down before hurrying off to report to General Hammond.

As soon as she's gone, Sam turns on her side, which is obviously a difficult and painful task at the moment, until she's on her side facing Jack. Hmm… this could actually get pretty interesting. It's always fun to be the proverbial fly on the wall when these two are concerned. Usually it only happens on the rare occasions we're asleep off-world and I wake up while they're talking, or something like that.

This time, I am literally the invisible observer, and right now I'm observing Sam shaking so hard I can see it from my little corner. She's trying to stop but she can't.

"You ok?" Jack asks.

"Freezing," she says.

"Yeah. Something about our internal thermometers getting screwed up by the radiation. In a little bit you'll probably get so hot you'll wish we were back in Antarctica."

He says that like it was a nice vacation! Sometimes I wonder how he passes our regular psych screenings. She smiles, as if they're sharing a nice memory. Okay so she's just as crazy. Even crazier is the fact that Jack tries to get up again. This time he manages, and stumbles clumsily towards her with his blanket. Of course, he wants to give it to her.

"Sir, Janet said not to…" Sam objects, but she's cut off abruptly as he stumbles and falls right on top of her.

"Sorry," he apologizes instantly, but they're not moving.

"You're squishing me, sir!" Sam objects, sounding and looking properly squished.

"Sorry," he repeats. "Having a little trouble… moving… at the moment."

Good thing they can't see me right now, because I'm laughing my ass off. Janet or Teal'c or somebody is going to come in here any minute… this should be great. And have all those rumors and pools about them that are constantly circulating the base really jumping for a while.

"Are you at least warm now?" he asks in such a pathetic tone I get a sudden pain in my side from laughing so hard.

He scrunches up his face in concentration and manages to plant his hands on the mattress on either side of her and push up slightly, taking some of his weight off of her. I can see his arms shaking with the effort though, and he collapses again. She tries to conceal a groan of pain. I would imagine having Jack fall right on my boobs wouldn't be very comfortable. Well, if I had boobs of course… never mind.

I can hear footsteps again, and goody, goody, it sounds like more than just Janet. I can't help it. At the look on Janet and General Hammond's faces, I actually start rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off, knowing nobody can see me. Oops... rolled right through the crash cart. That's just decidedly weird.

"Colonel, you promised to be good," Janet says. Okay, so the whole SGC is apparently moonlighting as comedians.

"She was cold," Jack tries to explain pitifully as they move him back to his own mattress.

"Well, how very noble of you to offer yourself as a blanket, Colonel," Hammond says. Okay, he gets in a few good ones of his own every now and then.

"No, sir, I was trying to take her a blanket and…"

"Save your energy, Colonel," Janet instructs firmly, reconnecting him to an IV, then hurrying over to inspect the damage he's done to Sam.

The IV must have a sedative in it, because he nods off with a few incoherent mumblings as Sam starts trying to corroborate his story.

"Shh, Sam, it's okay…"

"Major Carter, just rest. I just came down to see how you were doing with my own eyes."

"Now that she's awake she's actually improving very quickly," Janet assures him, smiling between them both. God, she's beautiful.

"Good. I need to start running diagnostics on the skull…"

"Dr. Rothman is working on the skull, Major…" Hammond tells her gently.

She rolls her eyes and says, "Rothman! He's probably still mastering the flush toilet…"

Hey, Robert's not THAT bad. Jack and Sam make it sound like he can't do anything… come to think of it that was a bit sarcastic for Sam. She's spent way too much time around Jack. He's corrupting her. This is bad. Not as bad as my current predicament of course, but still…

General Hammond assures her Rothman is doing his best, and promises her that as soon as Janet clears her, she can take over. That pacifies her somewhat. Or it could be the stuff Janet starts pumping into her IV.

Either way, she goes back to sleep. Hm. Guess I should go pop in on Teal'c, see what he's up to. Then try to give Rothman a little help from the beyond before Jack and Sam start ripping him apart. They'll be okay. And so will I. We always are. And when this is all over, I'm going to tease them both mercilessly about that little scene I just witnessed.


End file.
